I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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