come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
