Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
