just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
