five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
