Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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