Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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