I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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