i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
