Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
