I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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