were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
