You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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