Betty ford says i'm here all night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
