ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
