i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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