I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
