Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
