I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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