Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize