My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
