nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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