Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
