i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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