i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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