So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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