My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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