When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
