Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
