my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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