I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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