Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
