I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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