This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
