I heard we made out
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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