There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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