If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
