I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
