I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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