After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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