My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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