How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can I color on your dick again?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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