Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is the high leading the old right now
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
