ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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