I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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