Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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