His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
