I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
