'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
