Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
