I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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