they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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