The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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