They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"