You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm jealous of your bromance
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
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in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him