If that was your dad, he is hot
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?