i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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