I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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