ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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