she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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