just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
