I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
