Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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