i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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