No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
