Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
