my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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