What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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