His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
