if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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