My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
