i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize