so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
