Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I will die if light touches me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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