Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
