Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
