My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
